Enemies of the Sausage Roll

Now that i have defined the sausage roll, and how it came about. I need to establish the enemies of the roll so that i can combat these in my quest to disable her!

The first enemy is Wind... not bottom wind aka farts but weather wind.

Depending on the direction of the wind the sausage is either hidden or exaggerated. It is the wind that blows at you with the strongest of forces that annoys me most. It makes sure that the top you are wearing, beautifully moulds around the sausage roll, putting her in full view for all to see. DAMN YOU WIND

The second enemy is the actual top. How dare they be so weak. They let the wind mould them! No one lets wind mould them!(In my head i'm saying "no one puts baby in the corner") So this had lead me to be a very cautious top buyer.
No semi baggy tops that will be mouldable... only baggy tops or A-line tops will suffice.


The third enemy is yummy food. Why are you so yummy? It is a well known fact that everything bad for you tastes like a slice of heaven.  So i sill defeat this enemy by finding/ making deliciousness that is healthy. Will post ideas here as and when i find them... it may take a while.

My top food enemies are:
Dominoes - were it not for the garlic and herb dip i may not have made friends with dominoes, but they never let me down and that little tub of deliciousness is always there smiling up at me from it's little hole in the box.

I hate you but love you...

Spaghetti Bolognese - Dear god, nothing is better then a saucy bolognese with a splash of red wine... just to make it even worse (but taste better), however my downfall is the ciabatta or garlic bread that has got to go by Mr. Spag Bol's side.

Bagels - Mr Bagel - you are known to make people constipated, why is this? Ah i know, because you are so doughy and yummy. I have not had this minor side affect which means i have been happy to eat a bagel every morning since birth (well almost).

Obviously she has no sausage roll.